Walking into the Hirsch Coliseum (local venue) that night I remember thinking, “I hope my friends are here tonight. I hope they see how hot I am.”
Now, precious ones, don’t jump on the “she’s vain” bandwagon. Let me tell you the story.
The year was 1998. I was 14 years old. My mom had bought us tickets to the Miss USA pageant at the Hirsch Coliseum. I thought for weeks about what I was going to wear. I mean I really thought about it. This was going to be a big night, anyone who was anyone was going to be there. In my mind, we were VIP members to some amazing and fancy club. I mean we were going to the Miss USA pageant… bless my soul I didn’t know that any old person could have bought tickets to this event. Actually I think they gave them away. Anyways… I thought I was the bomb.com because I was going. And I remember the amount of thought I put into what I would look like and act like at this pageant.
The evening came and I dressed myself to the NINES. I mean took great care over every details. I looked a thousand times in the mirror…made kissy faces… I mean maybe I envisioned someone stopping me in the hall way and not being able to resist kissing me right on the mouth. (If that had happened I probably would have barfed right there on spot…I had no love life. I was 14)
We walked into the coliseum into the bright lights of the event. I might as well have been center stage with a sash. It felt like all eyes were on me. Such style, such grace. I had arrived.
That night lived in my mind as a sort of “coming out” or “coming in” to my natural striking beauty.
Until…. years later…. I saw a picture of myself from that night.
SHOCK AND AWE. I can not even put into words for you, sweet friends, how awkward and discombobulated I looked.
Bless it. Bless it.
Let me try:
In the picture I was propped up on the banister in my home.
My hair was CURLED up to my ears. Like pink sponge roller kind of curled. And teased.
I had on a BROWN VELVET DRESS. Oh dear Lord I can barely say the words.
The dress came down just below my knee. (you know the sexy length…that makes your legs look like sausages)
I had on BROWN thick tights (the same brown as the dress) and BROWN clogs. All the same color.
I had braces. Bright pink lipstick on and glitter on my eyes.
And brace yourself for the absolute SHOCKER: I had on NO BRA! Nada, zip..none.
In other words what people were probably saying that night when they saw me:
“Bless her heart. I bet she’s reaaall sweet.”
What I thought to be true was not true at all. The expectations in my mind were not at all the way things really played out.
And I remember looking at a picture of myself and feeling DISAPPOINTED. (mainly b/c in all my glory I chose to go bra-less)
Disappointment is a very tricky emotion. It is one that robs us blind before we even know it. It’s not like anger or sadness. It’s an odd sort of emotion that most of us don’t handle well.
We can experience disappointment in all sorts of forms. Not getting a job or opportunity we thought we would for sure get. A relationship not panning out or not lasting. A marriage ending. Our children not behaving the way we have raised them. Life not looking like we thought it would at our age. Not enough friends. Not enough money. Not enough time. Not enough intimacy. A family member getting sick. A friend letting us down…. And the list can go on and on and on.
We can be disappointed in the timing of things, lack of things or something not living up to the standard we have set. (i.e. the Miss USA pageant…just not quite reaching the standard I had set)
Over the past few weeks I have been living under the thick, dark, cloud of disappointment. There have been several scenarios that just didn’t end the way I thought they would. I have felt frustrated, disillusioned…and have down right been having a pity party.
During this, oh so graceful wallow-fest, Liv experienced something that disappointed her and she began to cry. I began to try and explain to her what was going on and bring some sort of comfort, and I realized that this was maybe the first time she had felt disappointment. And before I knew it…. I was BALLING right with her. You know why? Because I couldn’t quite grasp how to handle disappointment myself…much less walk my precious daughter through that dicey emotion.
And the Lord spoke to me in that moment and said, “Look to me for how to navigate through disappointment.” I realized that I had never asked for the Lord to lead me through that particular emotion. I, for the most part, in the past would just cry, be mad, say stuff about the scenario, grow bitter and move on. I had sought the Lord on a ton of things…but never could I remember looking to His Word for help in times of disappointment.
The culture that we live in today sets so many standards and expectations on us, that disappointment is sure to come. So, let’s learn a few things that God says about it.
What is disappointment?
The dictionary says it is the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
It is based on the “falling short” of a person or situation. When what we hoped for doesn’t happen…or turns out differently than we had planned.
Disappointment CAN and WILL lull us to sleep if we allow it to. We will sleep through the joy, excitement and pleasure of a life lived for God. We can become so angry and bitter and so let down that we can miss out on life altogether. What I mean by that is, if we don’t handle disappointment well we can find ourselves isolating our lives from people or situations just to keep from being disappointed again.
Or maybe we decide not to “get our hopes up” ever again. Maybe you find yourself saying, “I mean I don’t want to get excited yet…” or “It probably isn’t going to happen so I’m not going to get my hopes up.” That is a life lived in EXPECTATION of disappointment.
Ultimately disappointment becomes a self-centered endeavor. We begin to focus on how we have been let down and how we have been hurt and we allow our thoughts to be centered on what WE didn’t get or what WE need…lulling us into a deeper and deeper sleep. Keeping us from being who we are TRULY called to be.
So…what’s the answer? Well there’s a few:
The key to moving through disappointment is HOPE.
Hope that God has something BIGGER or BETTER. Hope that He has your best interest in His intentions. Hope in the belief that God knows ultimately what is best for us.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5
Disappointment keeps us circling the drain of the past. What we didn’t get, what we missed, who we could have been. BUT HOPE…Hope points us to the horizon…what’s coming next. Hope pierces the dark, heavy cloud of disappointment.
“Do you see I’m doing a NEW (better) thing…I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19
The ultimate goal of our ENTIRE lives is for God to make us more like His Son.
When that is your filter, disappointment has no place. If we truly believe that all of life is meant to make us more like Jesus…then we believe that even in the pain and suffering there is purpose. All things can be used to bring us closer to the person God wants us to be. If the job isn’t right and you experience loss, God wants to make you more like His Son in how you deal with it. If you feel lonely because a friendship has failed, God wants to make you more like His Son as you wait for Him to bring you emotional fulfillment.
It’s all about us becoming who we were created to be. And who we were created to be doesn’t include our job, our friends, our family, our health, our wealth…etc. (although those are important) To be who we were created to be ONLY means that we become more like our Savior.
I mean…can I get a glory wave for that. Thank ya Lawd!
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.” Romans 8:28-30 (MSG)
This verse is so often taken out of context and used in situations where we see something we want and say, “Well God works together for the good of those who love him…amen amen…I’m gonna get me that new car.”
That is not what these verses mean.
From the Lord’s perspective, our character development—rather than our comfort or desires—is of the highest importance.
The ultimate goal of God is not for us to be happy with our situations and have everything happen the way we expected it. (although He does want us to have joy…not saying he doesn’t care about that) He cares more that we are discovering the true meaning of being a child of His. He wants us to be like our daddy.
WHEN YOU FEEL DISAPPOINTMENT CREEPING IN… SCREAM … “YET!!!”
Read Psalm 22 if you get a chance. David is doing some MAJOR moanin’ and groanin’…we’ve all been there. (I don’t know how many times I have cried out, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME LORD…that’s what I was thinking when that wild eyed 14 year old in velvet was staring back at me)
But in verse 9 it takes a turn:
“YET you are He who took me from the womb…and from my mother’s womb you have been my God.”
David found the ability to stop wallowing and say the word YET. He recalled how much God had already done.
Disappointment cannot stand in the face of God’s past faithfulness.
Disappointment is going to come.
You are going to feel like the belle of the ball and realize you look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame instead.
We cannot escape disappointment. BUT…we do not have to be overcome by it.
Take an inventory. What are you disappointed in right now? Have you been lulled to sleep by bitterness and the feeling of being let down?
Take heart…He’s probably doing a new thing. Wait on Him. Allow Him to move. It will be FAR BETTER than what you hoped for.
