When Liv heard the news from her mama and papa that we were going to adopt a sister she was a mixture of emotions.
She was ecstatic to hear it right away! Another little person in our house that she could team up with! She was going to be a BIG sister! She immediately began making plans.
“Is my sister going to be brown?” was the first question out of her mouth.
“Well, no ma’am she isn’t,” I said.
Her head hung down to the ground in a super dramatic charlie brown type stance.
“I want my sister to be from Africa,” she murmured out of the side of her mouth as she pouted. ” I want her to be from the Congo.”
“Oh darlin’, I know you do. But the Congo is closed to adoption right now.”
She sat there for a few seconds pondering that statement.
She looked up at me and said:
“Why??? Did they run out of babies or something??”
Bless It Lord…as if that is all that Africa is for is… the babies. And a further Bless It…as if that were the problem, that they were fresh out of babies and the orphan crisis was over.
I stifled laughter (as any mature parent would do) and began to explain to her the best way I knew how the situation in the Congo regarding adoption.
After we crossed that hurdle I began to explain some truths to her:
That her sister would be from China. That she would look much different than her and much different from Mama and Papa. We discussed all the ways that she would look different: her skin tone, her eye shape, her hair…all of it.
We talked through our family’s heart: that we don’t measure in skin colors, that skin is just a part of who we are, not the whole.
We discussed the amazing way that God makes a family and how our family was a family for little girls who needed one.
We got excited together about bringing another person into our family who needed healing and love. She was most pumped about that. She began dreaming of all the things Esther may need to learn and all the things that may make her scared, and what her plan was to help her with those things. She was all in.
We ended the conversation, no lie, with a rousing chorus of:
“Jesus loves the little children…all the children of the world,
RED and YELLOW, BLACK AND WHITE
they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.”
I mean, I felt that I had slayed this convo.
I heard the crowd go wild and mentally accepted my award for Mother of the Year.
I had covered the bases, explained the song, explained the glaring race issues that already my four year old is facing…
Or so I thought…
We’re sitting at lunch with Brent’s Mom and Dad, two of the most involved people in our lives, who constantly cheer us on no matter how crazy the idea, dream or adventure is. (They’re the best…for real)
I was internally jittery because I knew we were about to announce to them that we were adopting. We were about to rock their world with news of Esther.
I wanted Liv to be the bearer of that amazing news. So I set it up for her to spike.
“Liv, why don’t you tell Anne and Pawpaw our news….”
LONG DRAWN OUT PAUSE…
“I have a sister…” Liv says…completely open endedly.
My precious in laws looked frantically between Brent and I for some sort of explanation before they celebrated.
“Tell them Liv…” I urged.
“Well….shes’ gonna be yellow…. and her eyes are gonna be like this.”
And to my utter shock and awe she pulled her eyes back to make them slanty.
OH MY LANTA.
Out of all of the truth I had poured into her that day about race and skin color and celebrating our differences, after covering all the bases there were to cover, my daughter announced her coming sister in the most racist way possible.
Oh George. We’ve got a lot of work to do.
Race isn’t something we should shy away from as parents. Yes, it’s tricky and it’s volatile in our culture, but it’s not forbidden territory.
We are responsible for the shaping of their hearts and minds as they are processing the world that they live in. We are the square-one of their information. We get the unreal and amazing responsibility to be their informers, whispering truth into their ear, preparing them for the very real world that they live in. Race relations and racism are real. We can not deny that.
And our Father has an opinion on race. He has stuff to say about it. We need to know what He says about it and be able to translate that to our littles.
It’s never too early to instill in them the truth.
Raise your babies to register skin tones and differences the way they should:
as important but not definitive, as part but not the whole.
Race does matter. It has to do with heritage and culture and should be celebrated. We shouldn’t shy away or try and separate from the fact that we are all different in so many ways.
But in many ways race doesn’t matter. It doesn’t define or set apart as unequal or less than. It doesn’t deem someone worthy or not.
In God’s eyes race isn’t an identifier for His affection.
Race does and doesn’t matter, and we need not be afraid to explore that.
Red and yellow, black and white… Jesus loves us all.
My Esther,
We’re so excited about every square inch of you. All the ways that you will be different, we are ready for them all. We can’t wait to see you, to know your face, to recognize who you are. And we, as a family, will celebrate our diversity, we will cheer about the things that make us different and be in awe of the ways God makes our hearts the same.
Want to be a part of bringing Esther home? Check out our Pure Charity fundraising page…all donations are tax deductible! WE NEED YOU!
www.purecharity.com/adoptingesther
Celebrate another little girlie to love on!!! Thank Heaven for little girls…red and yellow,black and white (and in my mind purple, green, and fuscia,) they are PRESSSSSSSSSSSH-ous in HIS sight!!!!
Lovie loves Liv and her new sis!