“Instagram makes us compare other’s outsides with our insides.” -Kate Merrick
Dang. It hit me hard, square between the eyes, as I ran through my neighborhood casually listening to a podcast.
I knew in that moment that I was being asked to do something. Something that the Lord had been stirring in me for months. It was time to be done with social media.
I knew in an instant why. It’s just not good for ME. Not everyone….just ME.
And that matters to Jesus. He is always looking for the things that He can sift out of my life in order for me to be more like Him…for me to be more free.
So, this is just about me. Don’t hear me saying it for you. This is not a ranting post about what’s wrong with America, or millennials…or even social media. This is about me becoming more aware of the tiny things God wants to sift out in order for me to know Him more.
It’s true for me that the only time comparison comes sneaking into my life is through the lens of social media. It’s the only time that the gross parts of my heart…the parts that want what others have, rear their ugly heads.
And isn’t it true that social media shows us people’s outsides…the very best of their outsides, but we internalize them and compare our insides. Let me explain.
We see a woman’s account that is so beautifully curated, she posts about fashion, her home, her hand lettering abilities, her hospitality, the way she hosts dinner parties….etc. and we think “I wish I was that kind of woman.”
And BOOM. There it is. Outsides compared to insides. Unfair and ugly. Not edifying, not important…and yet I continue down the rabbit hole every night instead of going to sleep…and post after post I build a list of things I want to be…based off of what everyone else is doing.
Doing and being are two different things.
And then…. Queen E showed up in my life. With her wide grin…hole right in the middle of it, an unprepared cleft…and it hit me DEEP. The grossest bits of my heart rose up in me. Things that aren’t me, that don’t belong, that are not wrapped in Jesus. Worries, concerns, doubts…all tied to the outsides of life. What would people think? Would people stare? But thankfully the Holy Spirit was chasing those thoughts down…exposing them for what they were and putting them to rest.
And that’s when I knew. It’s not good for me. And instead of ignoring it, I’m simply going to walk away.
This is what I know. I have been stirring on this idea of MARGIN…SPACE….making room. It has been the cry of my heart since the beginning of the year. I have felt the need to shake loose some stuff to free up some room….and not space to do more things… and I don’t mean making room on my calendar… I mean heart room. Space in my spirit. Enough margin for the Holy Spirit to move freely and work miracles.
This is an obedience thing for me. Not a choice made b/c social media is evil…I don’t think it is. It’s simply what God is asking of me right now.
Because the truth is, I live my life up to my eyeballs…with no room for error…breathing…stillness. Not just in my physical daily to dos, but in my heart and mind. I can fill those gaps of space quicker than the blink of an eye. I can always find something to mull over, think through, obsess over…distractions…they are ever present for this “….squirrel…” girl. (Disney’s Up reference)
It only takes a glance at someone else’s grass for me to think there’s is greener. It only takes one insta-story to derail the next 30 minutes of my life that were carved out for glorious-sweet-nothingness.
I’ve realized there’s a lot of living to be done in the minutes of my life. A lot of preparing for a new little-love, a lot of space to be made for her entrance into our lives. There are minutes to be spent with my little Congolese nugget while she is still my only child, pouring truth into her heart in preparation for her lovely little sister. Not much more time of her being my only one….and that truth soaks deeply…bitter-sweet.
There are meals to be shared with dear heart-connected friends. There is enough laughter to fill a lifetime to be had at my table, with my people, my tribe. There are hard things coming….tough stuff for us and for those we love…and we’re ready to walk right through the middle of it.
And all of these things will still be true even if a single post is never made about them.
So for me…I’m walking away from the things that just aren’t good for me. No over spiritualizing it…it’s just straight up what’s best for my heart.
I have learned that GIANT requests of God are a little easier to be obedient to…the YES answers to go into ministry, expand a family, start a church… whatever those big things are. They are easier than the tiny, quiet requests God makes of our hearts where He asks us for the seemingly unimportant things.
But these tiny things, they govern our days, and Jesus knows this. He wants all the things that wrap up our time because He wants to wrap up our time. He wants to give us better in exchange for those things we white-knuckle grip because we’ve determined they are just not that big of a deal.
So…so long carefully curated accounts where you only wear rose gold tones of clothes and have the MOST perfect eye brows. So long pictures of perfect meals that I will undoubtedly not live up to seeing as though I can not make grilled cheese without the bread burning and the cheese miraculously not melting. So long perfectly sculpted-lean-toned bodies that I imagine I can be one day…but then again I don’t want to work out so whatever.
I am making room.
I’m making a trade…. what I want for what He wants. Even in the tiniest things.
I am going to be only what I am. My insides are for Him to shape…Him alone.
PS: The only thing I will be doing on social media is posting updates about adoption / ministry! No trolling, no scrolling….no search page that reads my thoughts (and I’m convinced listens to my conversations)…just using it as a platform for encouragement.
What about you?
Are you gauging your insides by other people’s outsides? Are you wishing and dreaming your life away trying to be and look and act like those around you?
What about your minutes? What are they full of?
What are the small things that God may be asking for authority over?
Here’s one thing I know….if you give it ALL to Him…open handed, unrolling your tight fists and giving it all to Him… He promises to make everything in our hands NEW.
Praying that we become a people that lay our lives daily before our Father…the author of them in the first place…and say “Have your way.”
