Party of 4

Dear Esther.

I’ve been thinking of you all day today.  Weird to say about a person I’ve never seen, but feel I deeply know.

Oh how I am longing to see your face for the first time.  I know that seeing your face is going to turn my world upside down…your face will launch an all out war to get you home…seeing your face will set change in motion, not just for your life, but for ours – your waiting-on-the-edge-of-our-seat-family.

We are so ready to bring you in…into the chaos that is our normal… into the silly games of hide and seek, the late night laugh sessions on your mama and papa’s bed, in on the conversations about Jesus, in on the early morning buzz to get your sister to school…we’re ready to have you all up in it.

This waiting on you thing is for the birds, if I’m being honest.  We have crossed all the t’s and dotted all of the i’s and we crossed the finish line of being “done” and “waiting” and now it’s catching up to me just how hard that is going to be.

But, I promise that while we wait we will seek our Father.

While we wait we will lean in to Him as he continues to prepare us for who you are…for all that you are capable of.  Because, little one, you are ours to steward…this incredible gift with massive earth changing potential…and you are ours to shepherd.  And we do not take that lightly.  We feel the weight of that on our shoulders…and it’s a weight we will gladly bear a million times.

So as we wait, twiddling our thumbs in anxiety, we will be joyful.

Because with each passing day we are becoming more and more YOUR Mama and Papa, being prepped and sharpened and refined in unique ways that will match you perfectly.  And with each passing day we can imagine our Creator, moving all the pieces in line to create the amazing story of us…and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here we sit…and we wait…all three of us…dreaming of the day we can lay a thousand smooches on your face!

---

We did it you guys!

We have crossed the finish line of paperwork, sent it to our agency, it has been sent to China and now we are LOGGED IN.

Officially eligible for a match…officially waiting.  Officially expecting.

We’ve been told it could be any day but also it could be six months…how in the world are we to deal with that time frame?  Any second…or a bajillion seconds from now…and let me tell you, we’re counting the seconds.

So here are the next steps:

Be matched with Esther
Send a letter of intent
receive a letter of acceptance
receive travel approval
head on over to get her

That’s a nutshell view of what lies ahead for us.

---

 

We are starting to stretch our lives to make room for another little one.

We bought a bigger car
We’re getting rid of things and organizing
We’re making plans for bedrooms and play spaces

You know, it’s weird, this part of the process.

It’s strange to have an invisible little-love somewhere that we’ve never seen, and the only evidence of her so far is the draining of our bank account.

She’s worth it all.  But it’s a weird holding pattern to be in.

Waiting.  Expecting.  It’s just not easy.

To wake up everyday wanting an answer, wanting progress, wanting a sign of movement, and there isn’t any…it’s a hard reality to function in.

When you’re expecting all there is to do is wait…expectantly wait.

These year-long-days of waiting have brought me time and again to the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho.

They had a plan, an end game: to take the city of Jericho.

All Joshua and his men needed was a battle plan.

I can imagine the reaction of the men that made up Joshua’s army when they were handed down the battle plan for Jericho.

This plan had been given straight from the Lord:

Wake up.  Walk around the wall of the city.  Do not yell or say a word.  Lay down.  Go to sleep.  Wake up and do it all again….for six days.

I would have had my hand raised half-way through the explanation to try and get clarity.  I would have definitely had 2 cents to put toward this conversation…this plan did not sound like a winner…could Joshua explain it again but this time include the part where the wall was gonna fall…because that’s all I care about really…and no doubt I’d try to rally support among the troops.  Which is probably why part of the instruction from the Lord was for them to keep their mouth shut…I would be why that rule was put in place.

For six days they circled that walled city with NO CHANGE.  They laid down every night to sleep beside a wall that had not shifted, not even begun to crack.

That wall looked exactly the same as it did the day before, tall and strong, standing between them and their end goal.

Their circling didn’t seem to be making a difference.

Can you imagine the expectancy they felt as they walked day after day?

Until the seventh day.

And it wasn’t their circling, shouting or trumpets that made the difference on that last day.

It was their obedience to a plan, to a time-line written by their creator, who knows all and has a way better plan than we do.

And when it did happen, when the walls came down, it happened the exact way it needed to.  Rahab was saved and the city was taken.  Just as planned in the heart of the Father, with intricate care to every detail.

Circling.  I feel like that’s where I am.  And what’s my goal, my little Esther…she is the prize.

The battle plan that I’ve been given is this:

Wait and trust.

And for a fighter like me, that’s a really hard pill to swallow.

Some of us are circling something: pain, disease, job changes, family problems, questions, requests for wisdom or direction…we’re waking up next to the same un-cracked wall and laying down to sleep again, against that same wall, with NO CHANGE.

We’re praying, begging, pleading…but the wall is still standing, strong and tall.

The answer isn’t coming today, and it didn’t come yesterday.

Waiting and trusting.

If he’s given you a battle plan for that thing, whatever you are circling, DO IT how He leads.

Don’t add or take away.  When He moves, you move, when He speaks you listen.

And you wait.

The wall will fall…and when it does it will be gloriously perfect, as are all His ways.

So today, I circle my coming daughter.

I keep my head up, my mouth shut and I walk faithfully around it one more day, trusting that God is working a masterful plan that I could never dream of.

His heart is more for her than mine could ever be.

He cares about the things we are circling more than we do.

So, circle again, head up, mouth closed, then lay down and rest.